​Nine Years it's been 
So much time we spent, 
Trying to live this phrase, 
"I Love You."

Chaos fills the air, 
Nightmares everywhere, 
Hearts filled with wounds and tears, 
Trying to say, "I Love You."

I try, I try, I fail again. 
Why do I always let my ego win?
Just save face, we play pretend
That we know how to say, "I Love You."

But then the Sun comes out
Every once in a while, 
It says, "Sit back, put on a smile,
Let me show you how to do 'I Love You.'"

"Give, but don't expect. 
Understand your heart needs its rest. 
Breathe for a long, long time. 
Give yourself time to unwind. 
Be simple like a flower, 
Trusting like a babe. 
The world is ever chasing, 
Don't get stuck on that page.

You can live the life you desire, 
Let your heart become like a child's. 
Simple, never needing much,
Always responsive to Mother Nature's Touch. 

Keep staying close to the God within. 
Never shutting down, letting everything come in.
Open up yourself, Express. 
Trust the Universe to take care of the rest."

Oh, Okay...
Sounds like I need to get out of my own way, 
Get back in touch with my Inner Child.

Make a painting, lower your rent. 
Find a skirt, Bohemian Print. 
Wear your insides, out loud with pride. 
Learn to enjoy life, you only get one ride. 

Truth is, Nine years with Prince Charming
doesn't really exist. 
You must grow if you want to persist
Into a life that becomes worthwhile. 

Relationships are a lot of work.
Even nine years has still got me trying. 
Life is perfect, simple work
Is just something I'm not buying. 

Because all of beauty lies outside of perfection. 
I'm not even interested in that direction. 
Especially not in this physical extraction
Of how we do, "I Love You."

Nine years of fights, that we made right. 
Broken hearts, turned to tender nights. 
Unplanned children our biggest win, 
Dreams we chased, no more pretend. 

Every setback, comes with laughs. 
We've learned to dance around the traps. 
Our hearts still open, to our unperfect love. 
Lets stay together, till we go above. 

It's not too late. 
No, it's never too late 
To communicate what you will. 
To speak. 
To come clean. 
To open up the unseen. 
To fight your battles uphill. 
What are you made of? 
Stop being so still. 
You are an expression of Divinity
It's never to late to communicate
That Will. 

Written (4/2/2016) while observing a particular man on Hollywood Boulevard. 

Everybody just wants to be heard. 
Standing on the street corner speaking completely absurd.
Screaming out into the world, 
Please let me just give you my word. 

I can contribute, I have knowledge. 
Something you've never heard before. 
From the inside out, I lived through war. 

Though my speech is filled with cursing, 
Please listen to me sing, 
A song of truth
​Built ​through my blood, sweat, & tears. 

Do you know the things that I've seen?
The things done to me? I can barely  cope. 
It takes everything in me not to lose hope. 

So get off your high horse Pope
And listen to my words, 
I'll share my dope. 

When words fall on deaf tongue and mute ear. 
It makes me wonder why I'm here. 
I think it's my response that you fear. 
But I cannot change the way your mute makes me feel. 

Invisible. Insulted. Small. Locked up and Vaulted. 
Honestly, My throat clams up, it's like I'm stuck. 
In a traffic jam.
Yet flawless speech rolls through my mind, it wants to preach. 
To your heart that won't be reached. 

And all I'm met with is Silence. SILENCE. 
At times I know it's your Ace card trick, 
The one you use to make me sick, 
so bad my throat begins to itch. 
When all I'm met with is Silence. 

And so I've decided to join your gang
The one where Silence always reigns. 
Maybe it will release some pain or possibly bring some new change
As I meet you with Silence.  

I teach a weekly mindfulness meditation class and this is the passage we'll be working through today: 
     
Today's focus is on  1st part of the final pillar of mindfulness, which is taking a non-judgmental stance.  In this portion of practice, we are going to focus on ridding our inner negative narratives.

A non-judgmental stance essentially means opening oneself up to other possibilities. It is a way of taking in a circumstance and “being with” whatever initial response is there. It’s hailed by psychologists that we have NO WAY of controlling our initial response, therefore WE MUST RESIST the urge to self blame if our initial response is ego driven or selfish. Taking a non-judgmental stance enables us to take note of our feelings and initial emotional response after a stimulus has occurred. It is a way of being with that initial trigger in a way that is gentle yet assertive. Assertive in the sense that we remember that our initial response is only ONE OF MANY options for response – you indeed have other options to consider.

When we’re cut off on the freeway, through our awareness we can acknowledge that our first response is, “Man that guy’s an asshole” or “Okay peeps in the biz, I know you’re the most important person in the world – but seriously?!” These responses may seem like the only options because they are our automatic response. Yet, when seen clearly – we can become aware that our initial response is often a conditioned habit. Meaning that over time, we’ve been taught and reinforced to respond a certain way when we find ourselves in traffic.

However, have you ever stopped to ask yourself, “What purpose does this point of view serve?” This is one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves during moments of frustration and trial. Asking yourself this question can begin to break down the negative narrative that most of us run constantly in our minds and in the veins of our being. “I can’t do this, I’m not smart enough. I don’t have all the answers, so I’m not even gonna try. I’d need a miracle to pull that off, it’s not even worth the effort.” As you take captive these thoughts in awareness, you begin to understand that you have choices and that you are not a slave to your automatic emotional response.

You’ll come to know that you can and should consider rewriting that narrative in a way that serves a beautiful purpose for you. As you begin to consider options, you’ll begin that understand that in doing so – you can begin to tip the odds in favor of your highest self. It has been proven by psychologists that our thoughts create our intentions, and that through our intentions – we create our lives and our future. Thus, our inner narrative is something really worth taking a look at. Through this strong force comes forth our true power for manifestation.
​
As our narrative changes from, “I’ll never be good enough to manage school, kids, my job, and life” to “Okay, this is going to be a whirlwind for a bit, but what doesn’t kill you – makes you stronger. And I’d rather die trying than die with my music still in me. Life is short. That grass can be green where I am, so let me find a watering can.” Through this process, our minds become a source of creative problem solving and a new friend rooting for us in the corner rather than a slave driver that constantly beats us down. Ask yourself, “What purpose does this perspective serve?” Is my response/actions/words contributing to peacefulness for myself and others or to the anger and degradation of our world? As you make a habit of bringing these moments into awareness, you’ll begin to feel a sensation of empowerment and freedom. Keep asking yourself, “What purpose does this thought serve” and if the answer is anything other than “to build myself and/or others up” then exchange that thought for one that’s worthy and attributable to the divinity that exists within all of us. By patiently and consistently building a healthy self narrative – we can begin to manifest the lives we truly want. 

The word audacity is defined as "one's willingness to take a bold risk" and many philosophers, authors, and successful people will argue that a person's audacity, not their talent is what separates those "who do" from "those who don't." This is a belief that I hold true and have been studying it in depths lately. 

Due to recent shifts in financial stabilities, I've come face to face with taking my own medicine. I'm definitely on a journey towards minimizing and decluttering my life of anything that distracts from that which is important. With this recent occurrence, my emotions have flailed up and down, with moments wrenching my heart and those that are saturated solidly on peace. When I step completely back, and don't allow my mind to think too hard, my body and spirit know that things are going to work out just fine. My head however, is the biggest bully I've ever met scrutinizing my body with, "worry, worry, worry - you need security!!"

We tend to under-think security, always balancing it as the greater good. However in most cases, security becomes the enemy of our growth. Security is at the heart of whether we will make any big movements or even take a chance on a small one. One great thing I have going for me is that I've been here many times before. I've endured several challenges including having a child too young, getting married too young, buying  a house to young, and moving to California on a dream. These challenges and the financial shifts attached didn't kill me then, and I know they're not going to kill me now. My body, spirit, and a still small voice within whispers to me, "Myranda, it's going to be okay." It is my mind's demand for security right now that is ceaselessly creating imbalance and stress. 

Having a child too young lead me to the gentlest, most spectacular person I've ever met. My little person inspired me to expand myself in ways that I may have otherwise missed out on. Getting married at 20-nothing lead me to my best friend who has encouraged and supported all of my major self-discovery movements. Buying and selling a house in small town America taught me that that dream was never mine to begin with. And living in California with my family and dreams has taught me to let go, rid my heart's ego, and focus on the things that matter. 

And so today with audacity, I say "No." I say "no" to you Mind. I will not allow your worrisome antics to take up residence in my body or spirit. I live in a universe created from nothing, brought forth into complete expansive abundance. Abundance that is constantly available to me no matter my circumstances. Rather than sinking sand, I see growth and opportunity. Where there were moments of despair, I choose hope. And when you banter at me to worry, I will listen to the Still Small Voice that lives within, whispering gently to me, "This is the way walk in it." The Creator has plans for prosperity, hope, and a future - and I give myself permission to choose that perspective every time an ounce of worry enters this temple. Namaste

Be Light and Find the Good Today, 
Myranda 

of character qualities, which seems like it should be an obvious choice for us as we interact with those we love. After all, whether we realize it or not, WE MAKE A CHOICE EVERYDAY to have them in our life. Focusing on a specific character quality rather than "Hey thanks for picking up the groceries" removes the ego mantra that says, "I only love you when you do something for me." It's appreciation for who they are rather than what they can do for you. And quite frankly there are many days it is a pure struggle  to stay in the game of family, of love, and in running a good race. So in an attempt to find the good, in those I love - my plight is appreciation. I'm sharing in hopes that it may inspire you to consider these qualities that exist in abundance in those around you. You've just got to look for it. And so begins my 100 Days of Gratitude.

Day 4: I'm grateful for Answered Calls 
I share how grateful I am that my significant other answered all of my calls yesterday. It was literally a day filled with one frustration followed by another. At 12:00 AM this morning, I was still meditating and breathing out the overwhelment of the day. One of my goals is to grasp, embrace, and live up to all that God has made me to be. My prayers and meditations have transfused into one consciousness where I focus on being filled with more patience, more love, and more compassion. I want to learn to embrace and glide through life’s little challenges so that as we arrive to the big ones, I’ll be fully capable of dancing through them. 

While my growth may not seem noticeable to the average eye, I've noticed surmountable shifts within my spirit. I heard somewhere that when distressing, the accumulated stress has the same affect going out as it did on its way in. So as you commit to building a more peaceful flow-state in your life, it's important to understand that stressful situation may continue to incite a response that could even be more heightened than before. Proof that the enemy of our spirit does not wish to flee easily.  I will not be discouraged because I don’t respond perfectly every time. Rather, I choose to celebrate the shifts within my spirit and temperament, the lowering of my body temperature, and the attention to mindfulness I am able to achieve in spite of a stimulus or stress. I choose everyday to celebrate the steps I make towards a healthier lifeflow, and I know made some major gains. 

Yesterday was a huge win for me. There were two specific times where I thought I might lose my mindfulness, but both times were brief and subdued. I was able to take a walk the first time, and the second time the moment dissipated as quickly as it arrived. I was up at 6:00 AM to get groceries before the girls woke up. I arrived home around 7:30 AM and made my coffee. I intended to have breakfast at some point that morning. However, from the second Joce came down the stairs, it was obvious I may as well not dream such big dreams. My caffeine cure remained hot on the counter as the day spiraled into matters that demanded attention.

Breakfast FIRST. I always enjoy feeding the girls a big breakfast, it’s something they really enjoy and it makes me happy to see them happy. Next was an internet crisis, followed by desperate hotspot trouble shooting (PLEASE DON’T MOVE MY PHONE A MILIMETER!) juxtapositioned with several failed printing attempts. And then the guy wanted to know if I wanted to upgrade. Then it was time for lunch. No mayo and Meeah’s inquisitively specific eyes were watching like a hawk every move as I made with her sandwich. I wanted to stay true to my goal of feeding them healthy full meals which means feeding them things that they like so they'll actually eat it. Off to Walgreens for Mayo. It's now 2 PM and we're just beginning to get to our homework.

I spent one hundred percent of the day serving the girls, and finally at 11:00 PM we got Meeah’s homework done and her into bed. It was a whirlwind to say the least. But every time I encountered something I was unclear on, I was able to call my significant other and feel more confident about what to do next. He answered every time and every call helped me find the solution for what to do next. They were just short calls with limited details, but the difference it made in my choices was substantial and helpful. I didn’t feel so alone in all that I was doing. Many people attempted to call loved ones today and they didn't get an answer. It is a gift to have an answered call and today I am so grateful for that.

With a heavy heart, I write this post as a plea for people to stop obsessing over achievements. You are not your possessions, your work, or your achievements. Life is about so much more than goals, trophies, and coming in first. The truth is, is that "your soul doesn’t care what you do for a living - and when your life is over, neither will you. Your soul cares only about WHO YOU ARE while you are doing whatever you are doing."

So rather than obsessively pushing your children to come in first all the time, teach them that true strength and happiness comes from learning to enjoy each moment as it arrives. Teach them about developing personal character qualities, such as trustworthiness, resilience, and integrity. Win or lose, right or wrong, straight "A's" or F's. Every child is a unique gift of divinity to be cherished for exactly who they are. Maybe your child excels at riding a ripstick - that's wonderful, balance is something we could all use more of, Celebrate it! Maybe your child makes several mistakes on their homework, but their wrong answers are pretty dang funny - Celebrate it! Find every moment you can to celebrate them for exactly who they are. 

You don't need to be picked first to have a happy life. A happy life is something you can choose at any moment on any given day. Teach them this. When it's raining outside - pack everyone into the car, drive to a secluded place, and turn the music up.  Get out of your car and dance. Show them that a little rain isn't going to steal your joy. If money's tight for extra activities - turn to YouTube. Together with your children, you can learn literally anything you can think of. We DO NOT have to be pushed around by our circumstances. True strength comes from knowing and experiencing the art of dancing in the rain.  

Recently a highly celebrated, young football player passed away from my hometown and it has completely broken my heart. This lie that "we are what we do" is to blame. Building our esteem on anything other than loving and celebrating exactly who we are contributes to depression, self-hatred, and a huge lack in self compassion - and IT HAS TO STOP. 

So please, I beg you - cherish the people in your life. Your friends, your family, your kids, and your Co-Workers. Celebrate every little thing you can think of and bring it to their attention. Don't compare them to anyone. They don't ever have to become a "somebody" And just because they're a not a "somebody" - doesn't mean they're a "nobody." Teach them about their uniqueness. Embrace every gift you can see in them and Celebrate It! Maybe it's their smile, maybe it's their inquisitive nature, or maybe it's just they way they bring calmness whenever they're around. The more focus we bring to finding the good in others, the more they just may see it in themselves at the time they need to see it. 


Be Light and Find the Good Today, 
Myranda 

which seems like it should be an obvious choice for us as we interact with those we love. After all, whether we realize it or not, WE MAKE A CHOICE EVERYDAY to have them in our life. Quite frankly there are many days it is a pure struggle  to stay in the game of family, of love, and in running a good race. So in an attempt to find the good, in those I love - my plight is appreciation. And so begins my 100 Days of Gratitude. 

Day 3: I am grateful for Three Mindful Words
I wanted to share my appreciation for the way my significant other uses the words, "I love you" and how grateful I am for their conciseness. Three very simple words that make a world of difference in every human life. I appreciate how he's always careful to speak the letter "I," rather than just saying "love ya" because when you consciously refer to oneself, it sort of carries with it a weight. As if you're committing and promising that you're all in. 

I like this definition of the word love "[to] care very much for" because it addresses the heart-need of all humanity. We crave to have the assurance of someone caring about our lives. Whether the life is going good, bad, or ugly - the difference is made most in having someone beside you who cares about the ups, the downs, and the progresses of your life. This is why mothers are considered the best people in the world, they always care about the littlest, minute happenings of our lives. When you use the word love, it reminds me that I'm not alone. 

The phrase ends with the word "you," but is actually referring to me. It's not "ya," or a teenage abbreviated "u" - it's a a full on, three unambiguous letters Y-O-U referring undoubtedly to me. I often speak it or write it without thought as "u" and "ya" - but not him. It's always, "I love you." And he's not afraid to say in public or private. Sometimes it actually makes me a little uncomfortable, and I feel like a spot light is shining down on me. That YOU is always so pointed and clear. And you just unabashedly say it with an air of freedom. I really appreciate that about you. 

I think for me, and possibly because of Eve's curse, romance will always be a cycle through cheeky caresses and smiles on the good days, to brawls and battles on the hard ones. At times, our magnetic pulls can be as forceful and in sync as the ocean's current or as timid and desperate as a tightrope walker - but the way you say "I love you," always tugs at the heart of who I am. It reminds me that no matter what's going on, you "care very much" for me. And today, I am very grateful for that. 

which seems like it should be an obvious choice for us as we interact with those we love. After all, whether we realize it or not, WE MAKE A CHOICE EVERYDAY to have them in our life. Quite frankly there are many days it is a pure struggle  to stay in the game of family, of love, and in running a good race. So in an attempt to find the good, in those I love - my plight is appreciation. And so begins my 100 Days of Gratitude. 

Day 2: I Am Grateful for Freedom of Religion, Speech, and Press
I wanted to share a quick note of gratitude I discovered yesterday when my significant other said to me, "living in the moment is different than being scared of your future" when I was talking about the marshmallow experiment I did on our 6 year old. My first gratitude point is that he doesn't attack me for experimenting on our girls. And two, he's not forcefully against any of my pursuits for religious clarity, human discovery through yoga/meditation, and/or my pursuit of intuitive knowledge. Not to mention, the fact that I share these discoveries/perspectives with our girls. 

Which brings me to my third point, open-mindedness. I'm grateful for the life journey of discovery that I'm on. I'm not always sure what to label my thoughts, perspectives & findings. But I appreciate that whatever my discoveries are, whether they seem Christian, Buddhist, or just a simple endeavor in Kindness, a Passion, anti-Christian, anti-church, or a self proclaimed Divine Enchantment - I'm not afraid to express it to him. 

Most people would think I'm crazy, insist that I am an ungodly person, and still others may try to silence me as an absurdity. But I appreciate that I have no hesitancy in expressing myself and my journey in complete honesty. I am so grateful for my environment of open-minded individuals who embrace my crazy. The freedom of expression I revel in at home propels my mission to help others outside of my home. It is truly a gift and I am so, so grateful.